Intergalactic Cats: The Memo
by Leesa Perrie
To: All Atlantis Personnel
From: Dr Rodney McKay, PhD, PhD
Attached: AcceptableCatTreats.doc; AcceptableCatToys.doc; BewareOfCatTricks.doc
It has come to my attention that Midnight and Stardust are getting fat. Please read the attached list of acceptable cat treats, that also includes a list of how much can be fed and when. There is a feeding sheet in the Cat Room - please use this to record what has been fed to the two greedy hellions and ensure that you do NOT go over the daily limit. And please, do NOT fall for the 'we haven't been fed today' expressions or the pleading eye routine. Really, do you people know so little about cat behaviour that you fall for these tricks? Clearly, as I have suspected, I really am surrounded by imbeciles!
Please also note the acceptable cat toy list. Midnight came close to having an operation to remove a foreign object from her body. Fortunately, the object passed through with no long term ill effects, but no one wants to see either of the rogues die from thoughtlessness! BTW, who thought that tinsel was a good idea? It's a good job Midnight only ate a small amount – if she had eaten a longer string of it, an operation could not have been avoided!
As I am clearly surrounded by people with no cat sense WHATSOEVER, I have also attached a list of well known and lesser known cat tricks. Please, do NOT fall for these. If you do, I will know that not only am I surrounded by idiots, but idiots incapable of learning!
They are CATS! You are HUMANS! They should not be able to get the better of you!
Dr McKay - Head of Science
also - Principal Owner of Midnight and Stardust. If you disagree, tough. I hid them and bore Elizabeth's wrath for the furballs, therefore they are mine. That I agree to share them with the rest of you is purely down to practicalities – I am unable to spend the time with them that I would wish, what with saving everyone's lives on a regular basis and ensuring no one blows Atlantis up!